Remembering “BEEJI”
- My Mother -
The end was to come some day , but it came too abruptly.Beeji, as my mother was known to most is no more. She died on 25th October, 2001. Doctors discovered stomach ulcers & cancer just 20 days before on 2nd October, 2001.
I and Upma had not expected this sudden end, and had started making efforts for treatment of the disease & bring relief to her pain.
We wish we had got a bit more time after detection of cancer. We could have interacted with that in background & benefited from her affections with more sensitivity. More important we could have cajoled her into telling her hidden wishes so that we could have fulfilled them or made effort towards that.
God was on her side & she went away in her style & not according to our wishes. She neither allowed too much of “Seva” by us nor disclosed her last wishes- she lived with her pains till the end.
After loosing her, I am beginning to realise how bad my life would have been if she had not provided all the shelter to me & my activities. We take our protectors for granted !
Her journey of life was arduous & not straight. She faced several major crisis in life, but came clean out of all of them. Probably stronger if not happier.
I have made an attempt to document her virtues so that it can provide some inspiration to me & others. We propose to promote some activities dear to her out of the savings she has left behind.
I wish to express my special thanks to Smt. Melo Devi ( her mother ), Sh. P.R.Sood ( her brother ), Smt. Nirmal Mahajan ( her sister ), Sh. R.K.Mahajan ( her brother-in-law ) , Sh. G.S.Thakur , Smt. Kanta Puri, Smt. Kanta Dogra ( all three friends ) for their help & emotional support during her journey in life.
Besides them there are many relatives & friends who have supported her whose help is acknowledged.
Dr. Jyoti Prakash & his wife Sushma , Dr. Surendra Bardia were very supportive in the last phase of her treatment. Thanks to them.
I would like to acknowledge with gratitude the unstinted support of Dr. D.K.Sharma, the founder of SIRDI & my wife’s foster father. His care & concern for Beeji, Upma, Anupam & me for past decade has been a source of strength & satisfaction for us.
Last but not the least is Upma’s contribution. Though she remained in background, but her whole hearted support in her journey was crucial. Although she spent only 13 years with Beeji, compared to 48 years I spent , her experiences have been equally intense.
- Ajay Kumar
Beeji - As I knew her
I knew a person who was symbol of strength, compassion & values in life.
We lost her on 25-10-2001 after a brief illness of 25 days.
Looking at her , one could not make out that she was a storehouse of virtues. People never realised that she had gained these virtues due to her effort or “Tapasya” to overcome the adverse circumstances into which she had been forced into at a young age of 23 years.
Her Strengths :
Some of the virtues which I can easily recollect are :
· neither being bitter nor blaming the circumstances or people for her miseries
· taking adverse conditions & challenges in a stride
· ability to care & serve others
· sacrifice for others
· love for freedom
· giving freedom to others
· demanding less than she actually required
· trusting others
· giving more than taking in all relationships
· ability to learn at all ages
· ability to experiment with new skills & ideas
· bold & outspoken against injustice
· not afraid of public opinion if she was convinced
· being a perfectionist
· very conscious about health
· extremely hard working
· not wasting a minute in life
· making friends with young
· determination
· pro-active life
· not greedy about money
· not grabbing what does not belong to her
· motherly to all
· treating the children like friends after a certain age
· will-power to bear pain ( even of cancer till the end )
· ability to discuss issues threadbare
· annihilate ego for good cause(s)
· ability to introspect & criticize herself ( she did that just 2 days before her death)
· never betray anyone
· quality conscious
· low key person ( despite direct & indirect position & power at her command )
Who was this person ?
Beeji ( Mohini Sud ) . She was my mother. She was popularly known as Beeji amongst her friends relatives.
She charmed relatives, friends, colleagues & people who came in contact with her.
She started a career late in her life but achieved much due to her effort, virtues, hardwork and support of family & friends in her long journey of 69 years.
Birth & Childhood :
Her parents belonged to Distt. Kangra , in Himachal Pradesh ( India ). She was born in 1932. She spent her childhood with parents who were traveling from place to place- Bhusaval, Pathankot, Dehradun as her father was in the army. She also did schooling at Kangra as there was no good school for girls in their own village. She also recounted her days in Pakistan during partition
Parents :
Her mother was Melo Devi & father was Major Sohan Lal Sud. Her mother was a lady with great strength , talents & leadership qualities.Although the family belonged to small village in Himachal Pradesh both parents were very progressive & gave a lot of support for education of their 7 children ( three daughters & four sons ) besides taking care of large family relations.
Family :
She was the eldest of 3 sisters & 4 brothers. Being elder also imbibed many virtues due to additional responsibilities of being part of raising a large family.
All the sisters & brothers put in their best to achieve something in life. The spouses also added to the contribution of the family. The family still stands distinctly with their participation in the bureaucracy & judiciary in Central & State Governments.
The family has members who have held or currently hold positions as a High Court Judge, a State Civil Service officer, Foreign Service officer, two IAS officers, a businessman & IPS officer.
Married Life :
Beeji got married to Sh. Om Parkash Sud from Dharamsala, District Kangra ( Himachal Pradesh ) who was more of a social worker & less of businessman. Her father-in-law was a eminent lawyer in Dharamsala & socially very active.
My father was too idealist and spoiled his health due to hard work & irregular food habits. ( Beeji always told me that , in fact extracted a promise that I would be regular in my food habits even if it costs more. I respected her view on this & was very particular with my food even at the cost of ridicule by friends in my circle )
Most of her time after marriage was spent in treatment of my father in several hospitals in Delhi, Amritsar etc. It must have been tough to take care of a sick husband & the small child ( I was only one year old when he fell ill ). I know that financially it was hard on her & the family as by that time my grand-father had also grown old and unable to earn.
My father died in year 1956 when I was just 3 years old. This left a great strain on the family & put my mother through a trying time in her life.
Beeji Recovers :
She recovered from this setback and with encouragement from her father-in-law she started pursuing her college studies as well as supervising the small business activities. However , I think her vision in life was beyond a small business. I also remember her remarks “ I wanted to be a doctor in life “.
Her brother Prithvi Raj Sood who had just joined the Indian Foreign Service took interest & she accompanied him to Beirut, Lebanon in 1964 for further education at the American University there. After brief studies leading to Diploma in Secretarial Training , she took up a job in Beirut before arriving back to India in 1966. This was a beginning of her flight into higher levels of professional career.
During her absence from India her sister Nirmal Sud ( now Nirmal Mahajan) with support from her mother & father ( i.e. my grand parents ) took responsibility for my educational, financial & emotional needs.
Her Leaps in Professional Career :
Back in India she worked with some companies in Delhi for 2 years , including with a Managing Director of Telefunken ( an MNC ) who was from Germany. She then shifted to Indian Institute of Advanced Studies, Simla in 1969.
Her bosses in the institute ( Prof. Niharanjan Ray & Mr. R.P.Malhotra ) recognized her talents and encouraged her to change her profession.She quickly finished her post-graduation in History & followed it up with a undergraduate degree in Library Science from Punjab University , Chandigarh.
I remember those days when both if us were in the Hostels - she at the age of 42 & me at age of 22 and would visit each other. However I found her to be equally comfortable with her young colleagues who were of my age. This virtue of feeling at home with young she displayed throughout her life.
Later she joined Punjab University Library as a professional librarian, something she always relished. She was herself fond of reading a lot & whenever I visited her in the library she would always have atleast half a dozen interesting & latest titles on her desk.
She was not satisfied with a basic degree in library science & in a short while decided to do a post-graduation in the same subject. However the most interesting aspect is that when she finished her Post-graduate degree in 1978, the very next year she wanted to do a Ph.D in Library Science. She had tremendous stamina.
The circumstances at home changed drastically after 1980 & she had to cope with a new environment & financial crisis. Thus her dream of a Ph.D got postponed ( indefinitely ).
She spent her next 12 years till retirement at Chandigarh only. She also availed of opportunity of attending conferences in library science , learning computers etc.Besides her job, her time & concern was now for the family - me , the family & friends she had made as part of her extended family.
Her Life with me :
I was born in 1953 at Allhabad. I spent most of my childhood with her at Dharamsala. Major part of my school education was in Sainik School , Kapurthala when she was away to Beirut.
I had finished my B.Tech & M.Tech from IIT, New Delhi by 1977. Because of
· my temperament
· opportunity of exposure to some nationalistic scientific stalwarts of that time like Dr. M.S.Swaminathan ( ICAR ) , Dr. Y.K.Nayudamma ( CSIR ) , Prof. Yashpal ( Space Research ) , Dr. H.N.Sethna ( Atomic Energy )
· peer group of idealist young scientists & professionals
I decided to jump full-time into techno-social work with vision of Mahatma Gandhi, Dr. J.C.Kumarrapa , Schumacher, Ivan Illich & others in background.
Initially she was shocked to hear that I wanted to stay & work in villages but within a year she had started supporting me. She probably did not like my idea of being far from her. She wanted me to be close by.
Whether it was my letters, my reports or my documents she wanted to read what ever I created or did. Not only that she was involved in mundane activities of xeroxing, stapling, filing my papers etc.
I used to normally return to Chandigarh once in 2-3 months after my work at several places. I can now imagine it must have been tough to be alone without regular communication ( though she was very good in writing touching letters ) as that time making a phone call without current long distance/STD facilities was a nightmare.
However she never criticized me for
· not earning or
· “wasting my time in Social Work”
· not coming home frequently
· keeping busy with my work while at home
· etc.
On top of that she was the chief financier of my activities including helping me to manage my cash flows by contributing from her meager savings as well contributing her time & energy.
When I was about 30 years old she started a dialogue with me on marriage. I was non-committal on the issue. This was the first time in my life she demanded something from me and I started search for a spouse in earnest which took 3 years to complete. That was a long wait for her. However I saw the peace on her face when Upma came to meet her first time.
Interestingly she never said that she would like to meet her ( the normal assessment process ) & then give her final nod. She would trust me for my decisions, a virtue I have found in few including myself. Her ability to trust others was tremendous.
Her Life with me & Upma :
Upma , my wife joined the family in 1988. Upma was a social worker when I met her. She was working in a remote tribal belt of M.P with main campus at Behiram on the border of Maharashtra & M.P.
Beeji & I stayed with her in the village after marriage for several months before Beeji joined duties after her long leave for a leg fracture.
Next four years were spent with three of us doing rounds of each other’s places with hub at Chandigarh ( we had three locations - Chandigarh, Baroda, Behiram ).
Beeji treated Upma like a daughter & never like a daughter-in-law. This relationship she made explicit from day one.
After retirement from Chandigarh, she started spending more time in our home town Dharamsala.
When we requested her to spend more time in the village at Behiram she said she would do so if we have a child. Other than this demand & earlier for my marriage, I have no memories of her demanding anything major from me.
Anupam arrives :
Arrival of Anupam , her grandson changed her lifestyle totally. She reduced her time in Dharamsala; she became more active in his care; she started looking forward to being with him as often as possible. I remember she carrying a cassette of Anupam crying ( he was only 6 months old ) when she was going to Dharamsala so that she could listen to his voice in his absence.
For next 5 years Anupam was her main focus. The whole house would fill with sound of “Daddi” & “ Munnu”/ Anupam all day ( they would call each other by those words) till Anupam slept.
Life at SIRDI, Behiram & involvement in Social Work :
After 1995, she spent most of her time at Behiram village in Distt. Amrawati ( Maharashtra ) staying with Upma, Anupam, me , Dr. Sharma & the SIRDI family.
She slowly started understanding the nuances of NGO & field work/ social work. During my visit in March 2001 , I was pleasantly surprised to see her addressing a large group of women in the village on women’s day.
She would share her time with SIRDI workers as well get involved in activities like training of girls in tailoring, pickle making etc. Though she had lot of interest in traditional & home remedies , she could not consolidate this knowledge in form of a book despite my persuasion.
She was a Kamadhenu :
Her house was always flowing with food & all essentials. She could never be miser on these fronts.
Relations & friends would drop by to have a meal ( neither short notice nor numbers bothered her ) & she would look forward to such opportunities.
Ability to learn :
She had tremendous ability to learn till the end. Just 3 months before her illness & death she learned Reiki to cure her ailments. For this she traveled specially to Delhi, stayed there for 4 weeks & practiced Reiki daily for 2-3 hours. I was amazed when she said she will like to attend advanced Reiki course within next 3 weeks. I was so enthused that I joined her in this initiative.
Besides Reiki she also learnt
· Pranayam ( SSY ) at Pune ( at age of 62 years )
· Vedanta at Chinmaya Mission ( at age of 55 years )
· Computers
I remember that she started attending Chinmaya Mission courses much later than me , but had become more regular well as proficient in practice.
Willingness to Experiment :
She had a natural temperament to experiment whether it was cooking or other activities. She would not experiment herself but also actively participate in experiments of others. I remember how she actively experimented with solar cookers I got fabricated or bought from all over India.
Most of her acquaintances have been witness to her experiments in cooking in which she was a master.
Her Hobbies
She was extremely fond of fruits & would recount her childhood days when she was the team leader to pluck fruits from orchards spl. mango & guava orchards in Dehradun. Kitchen Garden, Knitting were like second nature to her.
However her forte was cooking & hospitality. She would cook food of superb taste & variety. Her exposure to western cooking gave her versatility.
However cooking alone would not have charmed her relatives & friends. She was a great host which meant that she would know what to serve whom, how & when. Her alertness on dining table was a treat to watch.
Daily Routine :
After her retirement she developed a routine which was very hectic. Only the focus changed to Spiritual pursuits. She would getup at 5 to 5.30 am ; meditate ; listen to Bhajans ; have tea or honey ; take bath ; do Pooja for net 2 hours or so ; read a Vedanta text ; and have her breakfast between 10 to 11 am ( depending on her responsibilities like getting Anupam ready ;attending to guests, cooking etc. ).
During the day she would read, cook, sleep, take tea, go for a evening walk, talk to someone in the evening, do pranayam, watch TV for news or teach Anupam .
Her Pains
She had experienced pain on many fronts ( crisis, harassment, insults, indifference, betrayals etc.) but was much less bitter about people then I see around. In fact you had to dig out her bad experiences which she almost refused to share on her own. She never poisoned any body ( including me ) against those who had maltreated her. That was part of her kindness & magnanimity.
Her Weaknesses
I would be failing in my story if did not mention her weaknesses. She was herself introspective & would point to her weaknesses & admit them.
She had following weaknesses :
· Was very fond of eating good & rich food even when it did not suit her; however she had started modifying her habits based on Pranayama & Reiki training
· Would loose patience & get angry quickly with children & servants if they did not work as per instructions
Down the memory lane ( some anecdotes ) :
· Two days before her death , I was reading out an article to her from a health magazine which had comments on how bad food habbits lead to disease etc. She immediately remarked “ That applies to me”. That was Beeji in her introspective mood.
· 4-5 days before her death she told me very cooly “you both ( me & Upma ) should now mentally be prepared for my death as I am 69 years old ”. She was always cool in adverse circumstances.
· When she came to Delhi in July 2001 for Reiki , we had hired a paying guest accommodation. The owners of the house were putting TV too loud & late upto 12 at night. Both of us are early sleepers. We requested them to lower the volume several times but of no avail. I was feeling very agitated at their insensitiveness & even thought of changing the house. However Beeji was calm & told me to ignore it since we were to stay only for a few days. I think she had learnt the art of adjusting.
· She came to Delhi in May 2001 to take a course on Reiki. She was ready to travel & undergo hardships to learn anything.
· Just 2 months before marriage, she had a fracture in the leg. Although Upma & I had not got married she came to help in this crisis. Beeji started crying saying that this ( by getting work done even before marriage ) was not a way to welcome a new person in the family. She did not like to depend for her basic needs
· Looking at the changing value system in society, a few years before my marriage I decided to give part of the property I had at Dharamsala to her so that there are no confusion & she was not without a house after my marriage even if I succumbed to my wives pressures on the issue. I just told her that I want to gift part of the property to her. She asked me the reason & I gave a vague reply. She said “we will see”. The topic was raised several times but she would ignore it. She trusted people too much.
· When Upma came to our house she immediately told that she was her daughter & not daughter-in-law
· When I was about 9 years old she told me to practice making tea. Not only that she tought me to bake chappatis. I remember she making the chappatis & I baking them to serve her hot. She tried her best to make me independent.
· In early 80’s when I was at home for a few months, I proposed that I should learn cooking to be independent in this aspect also. She willingly agreed to having one meal a day cooked by me; she was ready to take the risk while teaching. I proved a good student when one day I made excellent Gulab Jamuns under her guidance.
The Last Phase :
When Upma returned from Delhi on 26th September, Beeji was not well. She did not mention it on phone when I was leaving for Singapore on 25th September . ( She would never do that to stop any of my activities ). Upma took her to Amrawati for tests & finally the Doctor gave her the news that she has ulcers & cancer on 2nd October. I normally have not greeted her on her birthdays ( in fact I do not remember birthdays ) , but this time I had the urge to do so I wished her happy birthday, not knowing what was coming next day.
Upma told me on phone & I got a clearer picture from Dr. Bardia, our family friend & doctor. I arrived from Bangalore on 14th October & met the Doctor who had done the biopsy. He mentioned that the cancer was in advanced stage.
We decided to get her treated with Homeopathy medicine as our doctor friend Jyoti Prakash was willing to take the case. We traveled to Bhopal for treatment & stayed with him during treatment. Sushmaji took ample care of food & other necessities.
Beeji started sleeping without compose at night & felt better. On 23rd I read out from a health magazine t which she listened attentively & she responded with her comments several times.
One day before death she complained of weakness. When I suggested she take God’s name instead of “Hai Hai “ she did that. On 25th we went to the doctor to fix an appointment for CT scan of the abdomen. When I returned around 12 noon she was in pain. Around 1 pm I gave her biscuits to eat which she took. Then she asked for water. As soon as I gave her water she vomited while sleeping , which had not happened in past 2 weeks. In a few seconds I saw her rolling her eyes. Doctors attended on her but she never came back.
She probably was suffering more than she displayed & demanding less than she required till the end. That was Beeji in essence.
We lost her quickly, but the only solace is that she did not suffer for long. The death was probably more kind to her than life.
Family & Extended Family of Beeji ( Mohini Sud )
Elders
Major S.L.Sud
( Father )Smt Melo Devi
( Mother )Khushi Ram Sud
( Father-in-law )Dhano Devi
( Mother-in-law )KhushiLal Sud
DhanoDevi
Amro Devi
Chiri Massi
DwarkaDas Sud
Bhumbo Chacha
KrishnaLal Sud
PritamChand Sud
Sisters ( brother-in-laws)/ Brothers ( sister-in-laws )
Sudesh Sud ( S.P.Sud)Nirmal Mahajan
( Raj Kumar Mahajan )
Prithvi Raj Sood
( Krishnalekha Sood )
Narendra Sood
( Bindoo Sud )
Surendra K. Sood
( Rashmi Sood )
Ashok Sud( Indu Sud )
Ved.Prakash Sud
( Sukarma Sud )
Cousins
Madan
Krishna
Subhash
Maya
Joginder
Gobind
Guddi
Jagdish Doegar
Hardyal Doegar
Hans Raj Doegar
Satya Sud
Leila Devi
Kuldeep Sud
Pushpa
Kalpana
Rekha
Sudesh
Kamala
Pawna
Raj
Indira
Bindi
Tripta
Guddi
Kuka
Satish Sud
Krishna
Uma
Bharati
Nephews & Nieces
Sanjiv ( Pampoo)
Anil ( Nishoo)
Renu
Rahul
Amita
Sujay
Aprajita
Shaloo
Manu
Kalika
Mitu
Gitu
Akshay
Sanjay
Aditya
Upma’s Family Links
Ramakant Diwan
Ram Mohan Diwan
Santosh Tiwari
J.P.Diwan
Guddu
Pappu
Her Extended Family/ Her Close Friends
Dr. D.K.Sharma
Mrs Malati Sharma
Prabha Devendra ( Amma)
Thrity Vaswani
Mrs. Maitrya
G.S.Thakur
Kanta Puri
Shail Bajaj
Asha
Santosh
Lalita
Dr. Anand
Dr. Joshi
Pritam Sharma
Sukanya
Dr. Sudesh Gakhar
Kanta Dogra
Dr. Kundu
Mrs. Kundu
Sushma Tilak
Mrs Ohri
Indu Ohri
People Who Knew Her
Anand Kumar
Narendra Mehrotra
Vibha
Vinoo Kaley
Varsha
Nisha
Devendra Kumar
A.B.Bhardwaj
Rani Bhardwaj
Shekhar
Bharat
Giriraj
Jyoti
Ambadas
Gauri
Surendra Patel
Girdhar Vaswani
Madhukar Patel
Anna Hazare
Shantum Seth
Gitanjali Verma
Bhajekar Family
Kanetkar Family
Khan Family
Sudershan Khanna
Sulbha Khanna
People Who Knew Her
Dr. S.S.Chakravarty
Mrs. Chakravarty
Dr. Jyoti Prakash
Sushma
Rajkumar Nema
Dr. Surendra Bardia
Santosh Naredi
Vishnu Dusad
Madhu Dusad
Sanjay Relan
Mita Ray
Ashwani Jain
Prof. Niharanjan Ray
Mrs. Niharanjan Ray
R.P.Malhotra
Tejinder Malhotra
J.P.S.Uberoi
Tilak Raj
Kuldeep Mehta
Biswanath
Ramchand